“Joint custody” is made up of two separate pieces: (1) a nearly equal division of residential custody, and (2) joint legal custody.  The first piece, residential custody may, does not always, mean that a child spends equal overnights with both parents.  Joint custody always does mean that the parent whom the child is with, has right and obligation to provide a home for that child and to make the day-to-day decisions that are necessary when the child is in his/her custody.  The second piece, “joint legal custody”, always does mean that both parents have the exact equal obligation and authority to make long range decisions about education, religious training, discipline, medical care, and other matters of major significance for a child’s life and welfare.  When parents have joint legal custody, neither parent’s rights are superior to the other.

“Shared custody” is a numerical analysis Maryland law uses only for child support purposes.  Parents have “shared custody” when one of them has a child in his/her residential custody for 35% or more of the overnights in a 365 day period.  When “shared custody” exists, the amount of child support paid is substantially reduced in most circumstances.  The reasoning is that because the party who is required to pay child support has the child with them overnight frequently enough, that they are paying for more of the child’s needs while in their own home.  So they need not pay as much child support over to the other parent.

Dave listened, explained, and encouraged me through the worst time of my life.

P.C.

If you suspect a parent of alienation, keep careful list of everything your child says or does, or that the alienating parent and his/her family and friends say or do, that causes you to believe alienation may be occurring.  You will need to identify the suspected conduct and its consequences if you want to show the other parent, your attorney, a custody evaluator, or a judge, that your child is being alienated from you.

Parents in a happy and intact relationship need to keep their emotions in check and monitor what they say and do in the presence of their children.  Through the process of separation and divorce, any number of stress points in a person’s life can become intense or develop where none had ever existed or had even been anticipated.  Parents must be vigilant in their effort to identify and properly manage their own reaction to whatever levels of stress, anger, disappointment, success, or financial challenges, they experience on the road their new life will traverse.

The guiding principle and imperative for children everywhere is what is in “the best interests” of each individual child.  That is the lens Maryland law demands judges, parents, attorneys, therapists, teachers, doctors, and others to look through when attempting to determine the best interest of a minor child.  A parent may be so angry or mentally impaired, for any variety of reasons, that their best interest lens is no longer focused on a child’s best interests.  A parent in that situation can become focused on damaging the other parent or even their own child.  An alienating parent will attack a child’s emotional bond to the other parent, other family members and friends.  An alienating parent may also alienate a child by fostering a bond with a child that is forged in order to allow them to be manipulated.  As a result, both bonds are available to a parent who is unable to act in their child’s best interests, to manipulate the child or the other parent.

Dear Mr. Bach,

While divorce is not pleasant, you made it manageable, and for that, I offer my sincere thanks.

Your explanation of the process was clear and concise.  Furthermore, you prepared me for each step in the procedure, so I was aware of what might occur.

You were sensitive to my concerns, always professional, and yet when appropriate, used a bit of humor to mitigate the stressful nature of divorce.

Again, thank you for your pleasant professionalism during a very trying time for me.

Judy Pearce

In collaborative divorce each spouse is represented by an attorney of his/her own choosing. Both the couple and their attorneys make a contracted commitment to settle their issues outside the court system. If an amicable settlement cannot be reached, the attorneys must resign and are prohibited from representing their clients in any ensuing litigation. Upon dissolution of the collaborative divorce agreement, the couple is free to initiate court proceedings with different attorneys.

The emphasis in a collaborative divorce, however, is on achieving a fair and reasonable settlement that meets the needs of both spouses and any children without the need for court intervention. To assist the couple in developing the effective communication, negotiation and self-management skills that will enable them to reach an amiable agreement and maintain a courteous and respectful relationship after the divorce, each spouse is usually assisted by a divorce coach. Other members of the collaborative divorce team often include a financial adviser and, if the couple has children, a child specialist to represent the children’s needs. A case manager, often one of the coaches, may also be designated to keep all parties informed and coordinate meeting schedules.

By choosing collaborative divorce, couples lay the groundwork for a cooperative and respectful relationship after divorce to the benefit of the entire family.

A cooperative, non-litigious divorce process, collaborative divorce dispenses with the usual confrontational “blame game” to focus on the development of respectful communication and negotiation skills that can help divorcing spouses successfully navigate the strong emotions that accompany separation and more quickly and confidently move forward into the next stage of life. Collaborative divorce is a particularly effective choice for couples with children. By shifting the emphasis from the demands of the adults to the needs of the children, collaborative divorce creates a foundation for effective post-divorce co-parenting. Ensuring that both parents will be welcome to fully participate in their children’s post-divorce lives decreases the damaging stress, insecurity and loss suffered by children when their parents divorce.

You and your spouse may be good candidates for collaborative divorce if:

• You are both willing to commit to separating your affairs with respect for each other.
• You are both willing to give the needs of each family member fair and equal consideration.
• You are both willing to cooperate and compromise to resolve differences.
• You are both open to exploring creative solutions to divisive issues.
• You are both willing to put the needs of your children ahead of your own.
• You both want to retain control over the decisions that will affect your future rather than leaving them in the hands of the court.

Custody

In a divorce “custody” is composed of two separate concepts. They are physical custody (i.e. where a child spends his/her overnights and legal custody (i.e. the authority to make decisions effecting a child’s welfare. There are 2 times during a litigated case when custody is at issue. There is the temporary (i.e. pendente lite- pron. “pen-den-tay lee-tay”) custody which is often granted relatively soon after a complaint for custody is filed with the court and served on the opposing party. Later in the case a merits (i.e. final) determination will be made by the court establishing custody from that time forward unless or until modified by agreement of the parties or further court order. Modifications of custody are only made if a party can prove what is known as a “material change in circumstances”. That being said, pendente lite custody can also be modified based upon a similar proof being made to the court. Although pursuing such a modification is not commonly done. Joint legal custody can be held by one parent or by both of them. Parents can agree to be “joint legal custodians” of their child(ren). In the event parties litigate the issue of joint legal custody, courts are often inclined to award joint legal custody. However, that is not something either party can count on. A significant factual issue the parties, and a judge, will consider in deciding if parents should have joint legal custody is whether they have in the past been able to successfully resolve their differences of opinion about issues concerning their child(ren)’s welfare. It is important to note that a parent who was not very involved in their child’s life prior to separation, but who becomes an involved parent after separation, is often considered by a judge to be a contender for sole or joint legal custody. Typically that is because in most cases children require the involvement of both parents for healthy development. In the event a party can show they have become involved, or more involved, in their children’s lives a judge will certainly recognize and consider that change, which may favor such a person in their case for physical and/or legal custody. Obviously the overriding concern is whether the parent who has taken a more active role in their child’s life will continue to do so once custody is determined by agreement or court order.

Visitation a/k/a Access

Access is determined by a judge when custody is ordered. As in custody litigation there are pendente lite and merits access orders entered by the court. There are common access arrangements. However, the parents must consider, and a judge will consider, what access schedule is in a particular child’s best interests. Parents should not consider what is in their own best interests in developing an access schedule. A judge will not give much weight to such a consideration at trial.

Child Support

Child support for parents whose joint annual incomes (including income from nearly all sources for each of them) are less than $120,000 per year, is determined by a chart set out in a Maryland statute which can be found at Annotated Code of Maryland, Family Law Section 12-204. Software is available online which incorporates the chart which calculates the amount of support payable by one parent to the other. It is advisable to have an attorney utilize either the software or and/or determine for a parent what the support figure may be based on an analysis of the statute itself. In the event the parents incomes exceed $120,000 per year, child support is determined based upon the parties’ incomes, the actual expenses incurred on behalf of a child and those which are in the child’s best interests or history. If the parties agree, they can use software which is available to extrapolate the amount of child support when the parties earn over $120,000 per year. An attorney should be consulted in order to evaluate a case in an effort to determine what the amount of child support may be based on the particular set of facts. A concept know as “shared custody” exists only when used in the context of child support and NOT physical custody. Shared custody exists when one parent has a child with him/her for at least 35% of the overnights each year. In that situation, child support payable by one spouse to an other decreases substantially. It is not uncommon for a parent to seek 35% or more of the overnights in order to reduce their child support obligation to the other parent. Frequently, a parent considering this tactic overlooks the fact that actually having a child reside with them is oftentimes a great deal more expensive than their child support obligation would be without shared custody.

You must review a variety of documents with your attorney in order to evaluate your case, prepare yourself in advance of separation, prepare yourself to work toward a settlement, or prepare a suit for divorce. As a result, you must, at a minimum, obtain and retain the following documents in your possession:

1. At least five years of state and federal income tax returns with all attachments. If possible all documents furnished to your accountant, or which you used to prepare the returns.
2. Five years of all years of bank statements, investment account reports, credit card statements, and any document which identify money accumulated by either or both of the parties. Account information should also include funds which are being held for the benefit of minor children.
3. Documentation of all expenses for the household, the family and the children. These documents often consist of Quicken files/printouts, canceled checks, check registers, bank statements, bills and receipts, credit card statements, etc.
4. Copies of any and all correspondence exchanged between the parties or with their children or any other person which may contain information you believe may be important whether hand-written or by email.
5. If there is a shared computer used by your spouse, an attempt should be made to completely copy the entire hard drive of that computer for lateruse or evaluation. However, information stored on a computer used by your spouse, should not be viewed (and in most cases not copied) unless you have had access to that information yourself.
6. You should videotape the entire contents of the marital home including items in cabinets, closets, drawers, boxes, storage spaces, sheds, attics, basements, etcetera. You should have a witness present when the video is made. If a live witness is not available, or as an additional manner of verification, you may wish to videotape a television news program that gives the current date prior to and after the video taping session. It is not necessary to videotape such items as dishtowels, pots and pans.
7. If you are inclined to remove belongings from the marital home you should catalog what is being removed and preferably have a witness present. Family members are poor choices for this purpose and should be avoided if at all possible. Do not under any circumstances select a witness who you are involved with, or may become involved with, in an adulterous relationship. In the event the parties have minor children, extreme caution should be exercised to determine which personal property to remove or leave behind. In custody/visitation cases, you need to always show that you acted in your children’s best interests. Therefore, serious deliberation should be made before taking particular property, a child’s bed, dresser, playthings, computer, clothing, etc.

If a person was treating with a mental health professional in the past they should resume treatment as soon as possible and continue as recommended by the therapist. The mental health professional should evaluate the person to determine whether continued therapy or medication may assist during this challenging period. It can be mentally challenging and stressful to work thorough a divorce or custody case. Most people in this situation should consider therapy for the support it can provide them. Doing so can be very important to one’s own well being as well as that of any children involved.